im drinking this country out of the recession.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
