I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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