Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
