Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
