i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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