Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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