Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
