apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
