Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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