Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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