i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I can text with my tongue
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
