I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Someone signed my nipple.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
