How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
there is glitter all over my balls
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
