Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
