haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
