oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
