I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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