legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
