so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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