god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Randomize
