hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
