Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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