we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
