Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
