I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Randomize
