So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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