Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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