No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
