porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
