I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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