you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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