We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
