The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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