Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
