If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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