sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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