Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
