It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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