ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
