I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
