just come out here and I will go home with you...
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
