Whoa Z and x make the same sound
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
