I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
