I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
