____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
from now on my penis is your penis
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
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