I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
