I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
