I'm lost and stupid without you.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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