He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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