She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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