I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
